You're wrong! You are always wrong! I am always right!

Boy: You always do this, you know, you always do this
Girl: Oh you're right, I forgot, everything's MY fault!
Boy: I didn't say it, you said it, I didn't say it
Girl: Oh, you think you are SO much smarter than me

Every Argument Every Couple Ever Has EVER. on Vimeo

Every Argument Every Couple Ever Has EVER. from Casey Donahue on Vimeo.

The quiet despair of the Starship Enterprise

Space Trek. Only slightly depressing.

How to be the perfect biker's girlfriend: 3 golden rules

Whenever I get on a motorcycle I go "Yeeeeehaaaww!". This is why I don't drive or own one: with this state of mind, I'd get killed in a road accident within a matter of weeks. My solution is: a sensible biker boyfriend. This is him, next to that other tame racing driver somewhere on the Isle of Skye.

And this is his bike, the BMW R1100R I mentioned in my previous blog post. Naked bike, boxer motor, added windshield.

What I learnt during our 4 day trip through Scotland are that the rules for biker's girlfriends are pretty simple:

1. Hold on.
2. Sit still.
3. Shut up.

You know these t-shirts "If you can read this, the bitch fell off"? Well if the bitch actually falls off, it's not that funny any more. Cover all of your skin if you don't want it to look like Freddy Krueger's after you "kissed the asphalt". Wear your exoskeleton with pride and pick boots, gloves, vest, pants, and protective pads with this in mind: "will it keep my ankles/wrist/shoulder/... from breaking" (as opposed to "does it make me look like Danica Patrick at Nascar, or Keira Knightley in that Chanel Commercial").

Bikers do greet each other on the road. Fascinating. The signs vary from the classic index finger "Yo!", over various cool and subdued Buddha-like signs, to the rare "I know you're behind me but I will still salute you" leg stretch. The bike passenger does not need to greet. Does not wave or flip that middle finger either when, say, a senior citizen in a Volvo tries to kill you. And certainly does not yell "Yak. Yak! YAK!" when she sees a long-haired Highland cow along the road. (I simply can't resist the "Dude abides" look of these animals. Just look at it.)

The Yak Incident brings us to the third lesson I learnt: riding on a motorbike is not based on democratic principles. Decide on where to go before hitting the road. While driving, for the love of god, do not distract the driver. Want to stop? Three gentle taps on his left thigh will do. After a while you'll learn a whole new three tap language, including the subtle "My butt hurts. If yours hurts too, please stop at the next filling station" and the more urgent "I need to pee. NOW." I know there are bluetooth head sets that allow helmet-to-helmet conversations but I'd rather just let my mind wander off while looking at the roads and the landscapes as they fly by. Landscapes like these...

And the negative side of travelling by motorcycle? There is really only one: the side the rain comes from. Pick motorcycle clothes that are waterproof whenever you can. When the weather's sunny, it only gets hot the minute you get off the bike. A minor annoyance are itches anywhere on your body while driving. Rough it out: you can't scratch.

Bonus tip: don't sneeze when helmet on. The result is disgusting.

LochCarron and the lost key

I took this picture on the 22nd of July 2011 at about three in the afternoon at LochCarron, a small Scottish village in the West Coast Highlands. Gil's bike had been running on fumes for the last 20 miles and we had just made it in time to the filling station. What you see in this picture:

• Gil's bike, a 1998 R1100R BMW Motorrad. Awesome bike. No sissy bar. Sissy bars are for sissies.
• Next to the bike: our backpack. One of my main responsibilities during our bike trip through Scotland (the other one was: not falling off the back of the bike).
• In the background: Loch Carron, a sea loch in the Scottish Highlands.
• At the petrol pump: a Google Streetview car.

The Streetview car proves that misery loves company. We had just lost the key to Gil's bike and were calling Touring Assistance to prepare for being towed home. With that Streetview car, the audience to watch us slumped over looking everywhere for a flat, black, tiny ignition key just became a lot bigger.

What you don't see in this picture:

• Norman, a local scotsman, who walked up just minutes after this picture with a simple "Are you the keyless ones?", dropped whatever he was doing and started looking for the key under every rock.
• Two other bikers who were on their way to the Highland Games in Applecross and without saying anything started searching too.

We had been searching for three hours - Touring was already on its way - when Norman lifted a piece of rock near the jerry and found the key.

This story proves two things to us: 1) Norman is a hero and a fine example of the Scottish down-to-earth, hands-on attitude. And 2) When a motorbike driver sees an other biker in trouble, he stops to help. No questions asked.

We're assembling a box of fine Belgian beers to send to a particular small Scottish village as we speak. It's the least we can do.

Here's something new: QR codes!

"Typing in web addresses and copy/pasting links are barriers between the consumer and your brand. Let’s break down these oppressive walls with a QR code. We’ll create a stylized Clo Willaerts QR code that will give users a unique entry point to your website, allowing for simplified interaction and access to incentives, engaging content and purchase power—all while on the go."

Powered by my favourite bullshit bingo generator of the moment: Wheel of Concept.

Hobo Lobo of Hamelin

Hobo Lobo of Hamelin: "is a thing by a dude, who’s all like, “I’M GONNA MAKE A THING.” And then he did. Or is doing. Or, you know, whatever. This dude can be found on the internet. He websites to put food on his family."

Bohemian Ragecomic

Bohemian Ragecomic. View full size. It's amazing! - eagleapex's posterous

Social Telegrams: a handy reference guide

If you were wondering how to congratulate me on the birth of my godchild Mauranne Willaerts yesterday, here's a handy guide: Social Telegrams, a "handy reference of suggested sentiments for many occasions for use in telegrams." Telegrams, "the modern, socially-correct correspondence medium". Because you paid per character, most of them are conveniently short, too.